Why did he get married?

Last Saturday, my cousin got married. Why the hell would a twenty-eight year old, college educated, progressive, community oriented, I guess decent looking guy get married? I'm in no way anti-marriage, but life being what it is, and I've definitely lived, I have to question it.

Let's be real about this thing called marriage. The bible encourages (not instructs) us not to do it, so serious hitches must exist concerning it, what we know not withstanding. So what do we know about marriage?

Typically, people get married with the hope that their partner will love them forever, but, even in dating, person's love tends to grow cold when they're not getting their way. What the hell does getting ones way have to do with a relationship? How can one person always get their way in a relationship? And, since marriage is the ultimate relationship, and people do want their way, why get married?

Two, marriage gets all fucked up by money. If we married because we are in love, why do one in every two marriages end in divorce, with money issues generally being the culprit? I know that the ability to support a family and afford a comfortable life is important, and because that's so, why are men and women always warring about money?

Men are generally up in arms about spending money and women about what money is not being spent. Really though, what business does doe have interfering with marriage? You could be loaded at once, and broke another time as a single man or woman, and you damn sure stand the chance of being as broke as you are wealthy in marriage. So, what role does money play in marriage?

Finally, marriage seems to rob men and women of their sense of self. He stops hanging out with his friends, she stops spending time with girlfriends, and they both stop being comfortable in their own skin. You ever observe married couples? Man, there's more pretense and acting going on in marriages than on day time soap operas, and in real life, no one is getting paid as well for it.

Most married couples, particularly African American ones, sit around watching each other. Thats what the marriage comes to be about: the two of them, coming home each day from work to guard one another. What the fuck for? That's a another discussion, but you get the point, don't you?

Which leads me back to my cousin. Like his parents, he's pretty conservative. They began dating in high school, married not long after graduation, and were together until 7 years ago. Nearly thirty years. It set a precedent for him. His learning disability caused him to have to work harder than most for his BA in Communications, and helped to ground him. He DJ's at a local gospel radio station. He's a "good boy" by todays standards.

Maybe his character is such that hes not been jaded by life, not been ruined in his head and heart by seeing and learning too much of life's bullshit. Maybe he's not littered with pretense, and thus will approach life with his new wife with an innocence lacking in most today. Maybe that innocence has equipped him to love himself and his wife unconditionally. Marriage will challenge that. Maybe he can give and take money in such a way that edifies he and his wife. Maybe he'll be himself and protect that freedom, whether or not his wife does. Maybe he's the ideal candidate for marriage, a cat who really does have a chance to be happily married.

Hopefully, I'll never have to sit wondering, "why did he get married"?